Friday, April 9, 2010

Tiring

Friday, 9 April 2010 @ 6.30pm

I'm not a mind reader and I don't have supernatural powers. Yes, I may always look and act strong but with you...all it takes is one word for me to just feel weak.

I don't know what mood you're in, especially when I'm calling you. Do you think I have supernatural powers to be able to know how you're feeling?

Why is it I always have to be considerate of YOUR feelings? I feel like I'm walking on eggshells. I wrong step and BAM! Out comes the asshole. Yes, asshole. In denial. An egotistic asshole.

You mock my work and disregard it as though it's nothing. I work my ass off and with one wave of a hand or gesture...that's all it takes to make me feel as big as an ant.

So thank you for making me feel like a worthless piece of nothing who can never do anything to please you. And thank you for never being grateful for anything that I've done for you.

Why do I (and why should I) bother to continue doing so much for you? Why do I continue to slave away just to make sure that I take care of your feelings? You never do the same for me.

Why should I even bother telling you how I feel? All I get in return is a blank face or stare. Why do I keep trying to do things to impress you?

Because I love you and because I care. It's not always good. But it's so easy to keep it from being bad. But why should I bother even opening my mouth? One word of truth and there it goes again.

It gets tiring to have to be strong all the time. To have to play a part at every single minute of my life. I can't even get a moment's peace during my lunch hour.

It gets tiring to come home and still have to continue a fake exterior when all you want to do is just watch TV in a quiet environment or read a book without being questioned what I'm doing.

And believe you me, it's getting extremely tiring always having to please you all the time. I thought it was about give and take. And I know you're going to deny all this and say you do give and take and you are fair and you do listen.

But you're too caught up in your own world. Don't even bother reading this. Cause you're just going to blame me and my emotions anyway.

3 comments:

aimay. said...

I hear you sweetie...
I feel the same thing... at the same time.

anna r said...

:(

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