Monday, December 29, 2008

Monopoly Madness!

Tuesday, 30 December 2008 @ 12.54am

Tonight I had the most fun and laughter than I had put together all my major events in this whole year. Since it was a public holiday, I was working at Get Crafty. It was an incredibly bad day with only around six students sigining in. It was an incredibly slow day.

At the end of the day, we'd decided to play Monopoly. Aya had brought her Powerpuff Girls Monopoly set and had been urging us the whole day to play. We finally started after we closed shop at 8pm. There were four of us playing - Aiza, Martha, Myra and me. Aya was the banker.

By 10pm, I was winning the bulk of the money. I'd built a row of houses on a stretch of road where they had to pay me either $700 or $875 a piece. Whenever I saw any of their pieces going near my houses, I'd count the number of spots it would take for them to land on my property and chant the magic number as they rolled the dice. Eight out of ten times... it landed on my property! Ahahahaha....

We were all laughing so much that by the 11pm, although I'd made the three of them declare bankcrupty (I know I spelt that wrong), our cheeks were hurting from all the laughing and we had tears running down our swollen cheeks. Martha even dropped a chair and doubled over on the floor laughing so much...

I'd never had any luck playing Monopoly. I always lost money or landed on all the shitty and cheap property. But tonight, I striked gold and took a risk by putting the bulk of my money into building houses and a skyscraper. That was definitely a smart move :)

I remember the last time I laughed as much or as hard was a good four or five years ago. We were all at a friend's restaurant and had an impromptu game of charades. The night ended at about 4am. Tonight, it was an impromptu game of Monopoly that ended in LOTS of laughter and fun, along with my winning more than 10k :)

I highly recommend those who have had an extremely long, tiring and testing year to just relieve yourselves and have fun through a fun game of Monopoly. It will definitely get your heart pumping and your stress and worries off your minds. It definitely put a huge grin on my face that refuses to go away - even with my cheeks pounding in pain :)

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

What did you do this year?

Wednesday, 24 December 2008 @ 12.31pm


I got my bonus. To celebrate, I went out with Steph to a place called Michelangelo's in Pavilion. I met Eddie :)


I went on a holiday with my WHOLE family to Langkawi. I only started realising that I was falling for Eddie when I returned from the trip.


13 March - Eddie's birthday. We went to Secret Recipe at Ampang Point. This was also the first time I met his sisters.


12 April - Steph and Dad's birthday. We had a BBQ at Dad's place. I remember Steph picked me up after my work at Get Crafty and told me that her sister was at the party. I said, "what sister?" Her reply, "I know!" An extremely emotional night - long lost family members turning up. Dad was happy. So was Steph.


I was getting closer to Eddie. I was working more at Get Crafty - on both Saturday and Sunday. I was tired and grumpy and angry a lot of the time. So I quit Get Crafty.


The best 24th birthday I could ask for. The night before my birthday was my official last day at Get Crafty. I stayed till 10pm with Zaza making craft. When I reached home, there was a pile of gifts on my bed. The best of the bunch was a 'painting' that held 24 chinese spoons with a small plate in the middle, symbolising my age (duh). An awesome and thoughtful gift from Papa.

On my birthday, Eddie met my family. A few weeks after that, he took me back to Teluk Intan for his sister's engagement. A very eventful month indeed.


A tough time. A transition. A decision.

Eddie and I were in the midst of finding new jobs. I wanted a job that could pay me what I knew I was worth. Eddie wanted a job that he knew he was worth doing.

Days were spent looking through classifieds and applying. Sending out resumes and getting call backs.


I got my call back from Mega Ads. She offered me the job. I started this blog.

31 August - Merdeka. It was also the day I gave my resignation letter at Trix.

Eddie started working at Dome.


Bulan Ramadhan. This was when I realised that I would have no worries about my children learning about my religion. This was when I realised that I would have no worries asking or learning about my own religion. Because Eddie was there. He'd gone to an Islamic school and was instilled in him all that was needed to know about Islam.


Bulan Syawal = War, Love, Peace, Harmony.

This blog caused a stir. Arguments were carried out. I was forced into writing an apology on my blog. Did I do it? Hell no. Like I've said before, if everything that I write in my blog hurts your feelings, stop reading it.

Eddie brought me back to Teluk Intan. I learned tradition and humility. I learned forgiveness and togetherness.

I learned that nothing I could do or say would please certain people. So I decided to focus on my career. I decided to pull away and do whatever I could to succeed in life - at least at a place where you're not always a disappointment and not everything you do is wrong or a subject for an argument.

I became a Board of Director for Kostari. And I joined back Get Crafty.


I started work at Mega Ads. It was a major adjustment. I'd become an AE. A step down from what I was at Trix. But this is where I learnt that I did a hell of a good job at Trix. Clients were calling and SMS-ing me. Mr L wrote me a great recommendation letter. I'd discovered that I was valued there and created some sort of an impact.

Eddie and I went to Trolak for Baiti's wedding. Ayah wanted to meet Papa. I made no promises.

I experienced my first death when Dad passed away.

I decided that I want to marry Eddie. When? I dunno. We're saving money as I type this. A wedding, and a house, and babies and what not cost A LOT of money. (Donations of any kind are most welcome :))


So far, my busiest month of the year. Since day one, I hadn't had an off day till 26 December. And that's the day after tomorrow.

Eddie's sister got married and my position was finally established by all family members. I presented Kostari to prospective sponsors.

Eddie and I bought insurance. One more step towards financial stability - hopefully. Plus, as of January 2009, we'll be covered medically. Woohoo!


Looking back, it's been a good year. Things are finally falling into place. Work is getting stable (although I still hate what I'm doing full-time, I'm learning to adjust and accept that I am an AE). I've come to be known as the 'inevitable part-timer' at Get Crafty, which I love. And I'm doing something good with Kostari (we're trying to help orphans - what have you done to help others lately?)

I've also met someone who I believe complements me well. Who works well with me and who knows how to handle me. Who accepts me for who I am and is working all the time to reach our goal.

I've discovered I have amazing friends who I can depend on. Those who are there for the good and the bad, the sad and the painful, and the happy and the angry. Friends who will stay up till 3am and accompany you at your office on a Sunday night so you won't be alone. Friends who would rush from the other side of town just to give you a hug. Friends who are willing to meet you and give you whatever type of support they can just to show they care.

Yes, it's been a good year. Let's just hope that 2009 can offer us all this and more.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Is it wrong?

Monday, 22 December 2008 @ 6.17pm

Is it wrong to have feelings? Is it wrong to feel disappointed? Is it wrong to want to try and spend whatever little time is available with you? Is it wrong that I feel a little down for not being able to see you tonight?

Yes, I remember what we spoke about the other night. Yes, it was me who said we should do as we agreed. Yes, it was also me who's been the so-called understanding one.

I've decided to concentrate on my work. I've decided to focus on my career. I've decided that I won't care if I don't get to spend so much time with you anymore. I've decided to pursue every free moment of my time doing another job, not even bothering to make time on your off day.

Call me needy if you want. Clingy. But really? Is that fair? How often do I call you? Once? Twice a day? Is that too clingy? Is it wrong that I want to spend time with you? That I look forward to our nights out? Our rare moments of free time together that's not spent with our friends or in the company of our families? I've asked you once, twice, thrice...when was the last time it was just you and me? Do I have to beg you for time? Is it really wrong for me to want to spend what little free time I have with you? How often do I even see you? Think about it.

Yes, it's selfish. Yes, it's not fair. But no, I don't think it's unfair. I'm just doing what you're doing.

Sunday, December 21, 2008


Monday, 22 December, 1.28am

I'm in the office. Yes. It's 1.28am and I'm in the office. Before this I complained that I had to finish work at 10pm. Tonight, I came in after midnight and I'm now waiting for the art director to finish doing the mock up for me to present to client tomorrow morning. At 9am. In Damasara Jaya. Yes, advertising is fucking great.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Useless (but interesting) info

Friday, 19 December 2008 @ 11.04am

Yes! It's Friday! Finally...My boss is not in yet and the other AE has gone out for a meeting. I could actually sneak to do some Kostari work now but tonight is also our Annual Dinner. Everyone is in party mood. Plus, there's a theme. Everyone has to wear a school uniform. No one is in the mood to work and everyone is in the mood to visit each other's cubicles to check out what they're wearing. No way can I risk doing Kostari.

Last night I searched high and low for something uniform-y to wear today. My back-up plan is to wear my white dress that sort of looks like a pinafore with a black collar shirt underneath. Seeking my sister and her children's help last night, they gave me my nieces actual school pinafore to wear. I thought there's no way that I can actually fit into an 11-year-old's uniform. WRONG! Not only did it was loose! Hahahaha! But! Her name is on it and so is her school logo. No way am I wearing that for the day... so I'm now wearing the white dress with black shirt underneath. And... I've been called a nurse >(

Hehehehe... anyway... in this dress and with everyone in party mode, no way am I doing any work either. So I decided to surf the web for some useless, but nonetheless interesting, information I could find that's related to me. So here's what I found (courtesy of

Are Hands the Blueprint of Our Destiny?


long, sometimes oval-shaped palms with long fingers
soft, damp skin
lots of fine lines, often unclear

Water hands belong to emotional, creative, and introverted types who are sensitive and perceptive. They can be vulnerable and a bit naïve. They tend to be quiet and make decisions based on gut feelings.

Can Blood Type Determine Your Personality?

Type A

Type As may seem calm on the outside, but inside, you’re filled with anxiety and worry. You’re perfectionists and often shy and sensitive. Usually introverted, you’re stable and thoughtful. You make good listeners and are sensitive to color and your surroundings. You like to be fashionable and are up on the latest trends, but never flashy or gaudy. You like romantic settings and often shun reality for fantasy worlds. A is most compatible with A and AB in the love department.

Common career choices: accountant, librarian, economist, writer, computer programmer, and gossip columnist.

Hmm... does any of the above information ring true? Maybe just the ones that I bolded :)

Life's a Bitch

Thursday, 18 December 2008 @ 6.57pm

I need a cigarette. I'm dying. I feel like everyone wants a piece of me.

I quit about three months into my relationship with Eddie. I'd been smoking since I was about 17. I decided to quit because it got to a point where I was smoking so much that I felt like vomiting by 11am. I hated the smell. In the afternoons, it made me dizzy. But after lunch...ahhh...

I haven't had a craving don't remember. But I remember I was sitting at a mamak with Eddie and I took one of his sticks and lit up. After a few puffs I put it out because I didn't want it anymore.I felt disgusted. not a good day. I woke up with a sacrifice on my mind. A sadness and numbness that's so new but so real and so justifiably fair. I hate that I was the one who realised it. Yuck. Why must I suddenly grow a conscience? Coming into the office, it was chaos. I'd miss my big meeting yesterday evening and everyone was updating and questioning. On the table behind me, the newspapers were as tall as my legs.

By lunch time, my fingers were covered in carbon with my frantically looking through all the papers for ads that were worthy of cutting out and filing. I was cold, stressed and being pulled at every free chance by every living soul in the office.

At 3.30pm, I got an earful from a client who continues to blame the agency for being slow in delivering our copy and visual. Fuck you, bitch. You didn't follow the fucking schedule. And me, being the ever responsible AE, listened, apologised and used the standard and well-known phrase by AEs the world over - "I'll check and get back to you." As I walked into L's office for a meeting, the fucking bitch called L to complain. I got the bear of the brunt. Luckily, V and N came to my defense. They knew what was going on.

I left L's office thinking, "what else could go wrong?" Missed calls and an SMS oon my phone reminding me of work that's still to be done for Kostari. I sat down and put my head in my hands. This was the moment I so craved for a cigarette.

When I was working at Trix - especially during our peak periods - I used to practically count down the minutes before 1pm. The first drag was all it took to life that burden from my shoulders. When I had to stay back in the office, there were times I'd go down at 6.30pm, have a few quick puffs and rush back up to work.

Today, I was even thinking of ways to get a cigarette. I didn't want to buy a pack. Number 1, they're fucking expensive now. Number 2, I'd never finish it. Number 3, Eddie wouldn't be too pleased. I was even close to going to J in the next cubicle to steal one of his sticks.

Luckily, a few banter emails back and forth with K and the craving went away. K and I were sarcastically complementing our clients love and praise for the agency. Notice the sarcasm?

*Sigh* Life's a bitch. It keeps moving on. Even if you just want it all to stop. Evev for just 5 minutes.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

A Sacrifice

Wednesday, 17 December 2008 @ 9.40pm

When we were children, we expected and demanded attention from our parents. When we were teenagers, we then expected attention from our friends. When we become adults, we start expecting attention from the one whom we've chosen to be with.

But what if this person is so intent in marrying you that he's focusing all his time and energy into work? Even if that means working overtime, working all the time, working anytime? Even if it means I never get to see him? Or we only get to meet when there's a pre-determined ocassion? Or if we do meet it's in the company of 25 other people? Or at his work place? Or mine?

What if you're so intent too that you spend all your time working too? To make enough money to survive. To make enough money to save. To make enough money to be 'happy'. What if you're both so focused on the future that you're neglecting the present? Is now important? Should we spend all this time focusing on the future? How are we going to have a future if our foundations now are not being looked after?

I've had this conversation. Too many times. I finally had a realisation tonight. And I've decided to stick to it. After all, love is a sacrifice isn't it?

A few questions that I need to know
how you could ever hurt me so
I need to know what I've done wrong
and how long it's been going on
Was it that I never paid enough attention?
Or did I not give enough affection?
Not only will your answers keep me sane
but I'll know never to make the same mistake again
You can tell me to my face
or even on the phone
You can write it in a letter, either way, I have to know
Did I never treat you right?
Did I always start the fight?
Either way, I'm going out of my mind
all the answers to my questionsI have to find
My head's spinning
Boy, I'm in a daze
I feel isolated
Don't wanna communicate
I'll take a shower,
I will scour
I will rub
To find peace of mind
The happy mind I once owned, yeah
Flexing vocabulary runs right through me
The alphabet runs right from A to Zed
Conversations, hesitations in my mind
You got my conscience asking questions that I can't find
I'm not crazy
I'm sure I ain't done nothing wrong, no
I'm just waiting
'Cause I heard that this feeling won't last that long
Never ever have I ever felt so low
When you gonna take me out of this black hole?
Never ever have I ever felt so sad
The way I'm feeling yeah, you got me feeling really bad
Never ever have I had to find
I've had to dig away to find my own peace of mind
I've Never ever had my conscience to fight
The way I'm feeling, yeah, I just don't feel right
I'll keep searching
Deep within my soul
For all the answers
Don't wanna hurt no more
I need peace, got to feel at ease
Need to be.
Free from pain - going insane
My heart aches, yeah
Sometimes vocabulary runs through my head
The alphabet runs right from A to Zed
Conversations, hesitations in my mind
You got my conscience asking questions that I can't find
I'm not crazy, I'm sure I ain't done nothing wrong
I'm just waiting'
Cause I heard that this feeling won't last that long
Never ever have I ever felt so low
When ya gonna take me out of this black hole?
Never ever have I ever felt so sad
The way I'm feeling yeah, you got me feeling really bad
Never ever have I had to find
I've had to dig away to find my own peace of mind
I've Never ever had my conscience to fight
The way I'm feeling, yeah, I just don't feel right
You can tell me to my face,
You can tell me on the phone,
Uh, You can write it in a letter, babe
'Cause I really need to know
You can write it in a letter, babe
You can write it in a letter, babe
'Never Ever' by All Saints

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

A Coincidence and a Call

Tuesday, 16 December 2008 @ 11.46pm

I started this entry whinging about how tired I am and how hard I'm working, which then lead me to say how my 'outside' life revolves around my working schedule. Then I got bored just writing it. I'm already working as we speak now and writing this entry was supposed to be me taking a breather. So why would I want to talk about work while I'm supposed to be taking a break from work?

A Lucky Coincidence

Yesterday, I received a phone call from this person called Hazel. She said she was from Prudential and wanted to sell me some insurance. I asked her how she got my name and number. She replied saying it's in their database. I figured it's one of two things - my sister once applied and almost got the job so she probably could've filled out my details. And two, my brother's girlfriend works there. Another mighty possibility that my details could've been given then.

During the first call, I was actually interested in buying some insurance - especially health. Eddie and I had been discussing getting some sort of couple insurace package thing for a few months now. But I told her to call me back in the afternoon to discuss details. In the afternoon, she called while I was in a meeting. So I told her to call me back.

It was near evening when she called again. This time, I knew I had to give her some sort of solid answer. She wanted to meet. I told her I'm packed during the day. When she said we could meet on weekends too, I told her I work on weekends too. She asked what I did. I said I teach at a place called Get Crafty in GE Mall. She was quiet for a short while, so I went on to explain the centre. Then she said, "there's one in OU too right?" I said, yeah! That's the one!

The coincidence? Her reply, "I'm S*** W**. I quit about a month ago." My reply? "Hey! I didn't know it's you! We've met a couple of times..." So Hazel turned out to be the teacher who came as a replacement once in a while from the other branch. We started to speak normally by more business talk. But we did finally arrange for a meeting this Saturday. And since she was once a teacher too, I didn't have to explain to her the whole procedure of our break and blah blah blah.

Woohoo! We're finally getting insurance!

A Call

It was 8am and I was extremely blur. I'd set the alarm for 6.45am and placed the phone on the floor in the hopes that I would get up and unpack my stuff before having to go to work. Obviously, my body decided to get up an hour before I was due in to work.

There was an SMS from a unknown number that said, "I'm home." WTF? Usually, I'd reply, "who r u?" or completely ignore it. But for some reason, I decided I'd call and just hear the voice. If I didn't recognise it, I'd hang up. Well, I didn't recognise it.

As I was about to get out of my bed to shower, he called back! I thought, shit. They never call back. So I answered and nonchalantly said, "hello?" He immediately said, "you called?" I was thinking who the f*** re you? But instead said, "who is this?" his reply? "Your ex-boyfriend." Immediately I knew who it was. He was back for the holidays. A three-minute chat and we hung up.

I didn't feel a thing. Just, oh, ok. I always thought if I'd ever see or hear from him again it would stir up some sort of emotions. Instead, I just felt...nothing. When I told Eddie, he felt something though. That was enough to make my day :)

Sunday, December 14, 2008

An argument, a wedding, and a few revelations...

Tuesday, 16 December 2008 @ 12.39am

Friday, 12 December 2008

It was about 5.15am. I shivered through my cold shower. It's a good thing I'd already packed all my things two days before. I reached Eddie's place at about 6am. He and Qayum were ready. When Eddie got in the car, I salam him and pulled back immediately instead of the usual hug hello. I was still recovering from our bitter argument the night before. (He'd insisted on driving back to Teluk Intan after he closed shop at 12.30am. I told him no. We fought.)

We drove in silence at first. Then he asked what's wrong. I fired back, "you want to do this in front of Qayum?" His reply, "ignore him. Just talk to me." I just shook my head and kept silent. We stopped to fill up petrol. When Eddie got out, Qayum said, "Relax Na, sekarang ni dia tengah panas. Nanti dia ok la tu." Half an hour into our journey, Eddie held me hand. My hand stayed limp. Qayum was drifting in and out of sleep in the backseat. It took about an hour and a bit before Eddie and I were ok.

We reached Teluk Intan at about 8.30am. But we went straight into town to look for flowers for Imah's wedding, and went to have breakfast first. It was Qayum's first time there, so we were showing him what little sights there were while looking for a place that sold fresh flowers. It was a dark and damp morning. After that, we went to buy Imah's gift - a 47-piece dinnerware set.

We reached Ayah's house at about 11.30am. The house was bustling with people. The women were sitting on the floor outside cutting onions and garlic and chili. The men were setting up the tent. Eddie's family were all assigned jobs and busy working. After the initial hello, we went straight to work. There were 1,800 doorgift bags in the middle of the living room where the TV and sofa should have been. Our first task was to pack up the door gifts and put it in the house next door before packing the remaining of the 3,000 door gifts that were to be prepared.

By 9pm, everyone was settling down. Most of the jobs for the day was done and everyone was beat. I took a shower, changed and went to sleep. And it was because I slept early that I missed everyone using the inai on their fingers :(

Saturday, 13 December 2008

I witnessed my first korban (sacrifice) today. Eddie wanted to see it but had to go and pick up relatives who were arriving from Singapore. While I was busy packing the different door gifts with Maksu and Ijah, Hassan came rushing in, "Kak Anna, Abang Eddie suruh ambik video. Jom!" I took my camera and Hassan drove me to the nearby surau. All of Eddie's cousins (90% of whom are male) were heading off on motorbikes. When we reached, the cow was standing at the corner. It was almost time.

I'd never witnessed one before. Especially not this close. We (me, Eddie's half-sister and all his boy cousins) were crowded at one side waiting for the action to begin. I thought I'd be horrified, by the slaughter or the poor animal grunting and fighting in pain. But surprisingly, I wasn't. Just a little sad for the poor thing. I watched and took photos from when he stood till all that was left was his skin spread out on the ground and his innards laying next to the skin on the ground. A few hours later, I just made a face when Eddie brought me a bowl of sup lembu.

At 6.30pm, I was heading to the room to get ready. To my surprise, Imah was still in the room...not even an inch to being ready. I asked her why she's not getting ready. We had to be at the surau by 7.15pm. She said the make-up lady hadn't arrive. I took a shower. When I came back out, Ijah came to me and said that she was equally horrified when she saw her sister not getting ready yet. After some insistence and phone calls, Imah was in the bilik pengantin getting her face made up.

We were late. I was appointed as Imah's pengapit (did I spell that right?) since her girl cousin who was earlier appointed went MIA. At the surau, I sat with her on one side with all the other women. Every so often, Imah turned and said, "Macam mana ni, Kak Anna? Takut." I had to reassure her a couple of times before she started to calm down a bit. When she was asked to go sit next to Hidayat, she really panicked. She half stood, turned to me and said, "Jom la Kak Anna. Jom la." Half the women were saying follow her, the other half said let her go herself. I looked at Eddie. He was sitting as a witness to the marriage. He gave a slight nod that said, follow her.

It didn't take long. Between Imah panicking and seeing Ayah on the verge of tears, I saw Eddie looking stressed. He wasn't happy and wasn't ready to let his baby sister go. So I decided to smile my biggest smile while Qayum was taking photos. When it was done, Ayah went outside to take a breather. The tears couldn't hold much longer.

The night ended at about 11.30pm when Eddie decided to pass out in front of the TV as the guests were beginning to leave. Instead of staying there that night, I decided to stay at the motel that Ayah rented for his guests. Maksu shared a room and living hall with her husband and son, while I had a room (or bilik bujang) all to myself for the night. Ahhh...I managed to relax alone, take a long, hot bath, watch a bit of TV, charge my laptop, camera and phone. It was definitely a blessing in disguise that there happened to be a spare room for me to rest.

Sunday, 14 December 2008

Family members were all wearing green today, along with green pins to symbolise who the family members were. Guests started coming in the morning. Everyone had their roles to play. The men - Ayah, Paklong, Pak Mamat and Eddie - were greeting the guests. The women were guiding guests into the house or where to sit and eat, and to give the door gifts that we so painfully had to pack for two days.

Twice I was mistaken as the bride. Both times I would immediately say, "Tak, tak, tak. Pengantin ada kat dalam." And immediately Maksu would say, "Ini bakal isteri Zaidi." with that cheeky smile on her face. It didn't take long before everybody knew who I was. Eddie was happy. He was grinning from ear to ear throughout the whole ceremony.

When the ceremony ended and everyone had settled down, the boys were busy cleaning - after Eddie took the initiative to start clearing the tables. I settled down in between Umie and Maksu at the front of the house, having tea and tidbits. When Eddie had finished cleaning, he settled himself in the house and called me in. We finally had some time 'alone' (meaning that everyone was distracted with something else) and just sat and updated each other since we were both busy the whole day. It didn't take long for Paklong to come and joke around with us. It was also that moment that he took the opportunity to tell me that he has fully accepted me as one of his anak buah and understands why we've chosen to wait.

Eddie was grinning from ear to ear. Although there's picture proof during the actual akad nikah that shows Eddie's obvious dislike toward the matrimony of his sister and Hidayat, he was happy that he was there. That he was a part of it all. That his father and him have finally found a mutual understanding of how to communicate with each other.

It was also during this trip that I and his family have established my position. I am Kak Anna, Kaklong. I've developed some sort of strange bond with Paklong with him constantly joking with me during my three-day stay - it was his way of getting to know me. I've become Maklong's new anak buah and her 'kissing' bag - she loves to kiss my cheeks :) I've become closer to both his sisters and even felt slightly protective over Imah when I was saying goodbye to her and Hidayat - I'm afraid that he's going to hurt her or won't be able to care for her. I've been accepted as Kak Anna by Ijah - even though she's two years older than me. I've been accepted as the 'sporting' older type of sister by his younger siblings and his cousins. And I've been accepted as "bakal isteri Zaidi" by Ayah and Umie.

I'm just hoping that things will find a way to develop the way it has for me with Eddie's family in regards of him being accepted by my family.

Good luck, Sayang.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

An obligation

Thursday, 11 December 2008 @ 10.53am

I now understand why a lot of children (no matter what age they are) lie to their parents. I used to believe that honesty is the best policy. I used to discuss openly my problems with my father. This morning, I now think that honesty is not necessarily the best policy anymore.

Papa asked me how's work. Me, thinking that I should keep up this honest and open dialogue that I've had with him for the last couple of years, replied, "not good. I don't think it'll be for long." Immediately his face changes and he says the five words that I have long dreaded to hear, "You should've stayed at Trix."

I was horrified. It was 8.30am. I felt the rage enter me as I saw him shaking his head and his face saying, I knew it, you can't make it, you're a disappointment. I fired back saying it's the risk and challenge. And that I didn't want to rot at Trix with the pay that I was getting doing two people's jobs. And of course, I could see on the verge of his tongue he was about to call me rude. So I shut up. As he "advised" me on what I should do with my career, I decided there and then I will not be so honest anymore. The next time I'm asked how's work, my reply will be, "it's fan-fucking-tastic. I love having to work in an environment where I get the 'big' clients so they have someone new to attack and harass every single day. I love being the one who chase for quotations and rush off to meetings. I love having to sit in my corner not being able to participate creatively where I once was able to. Yes, it's fan-fucking-tastic because the money's better. So why the fuck should I care how I feel? Work like a fucking robot. Fuck that the six years spent in Melbourne and two years working experience is gone to WASTE."

Yes, I am extremely angry at the moment. I don't understand what it is. Not everything is about money. I understand that times are hard and it'll just get harder in the next coming years. But it's difficult to trust a 24-year-old who knows NOTHING right? What I say is shit. It amounts to nothing. I never seem to be able to make my own decisions. Everything I do I'm forced into doing it. Let's look back shall we?

I was forced into taking my Diploma of Mass Communications. I was forced into taking my Bachelor of Arts (Media & Communication). I was forced to work with Josh for two months before being forced into signing to work with Trix (as I remember correctly, Papa was also upset that I signed with Trix before discussing it with anyone). I was forced to quit Trix to try something new. I was forced to work with MA. I was forced to work part-time at Get Crafty. I was forced into doing Kostari. I was forced into buying my car... if you didn't notice, I was being sarcastic.

Have a read through again. Have I made some bad decisions in the last eight years of my life? Do you know what I was really almost forced into doing? Finance. Hah! I fought hard as fuck into getting the Diploma and degree of my choice. Gee, what a bad choice I made. And look at me now. Still a bad choice huh? Am I struggling? Am I dying? Am I not paying for my own car and bills?

Am I really doing something wrong here? People, talk to me. Enlighten me. I'm going to the edge. I'm about to LOSE IT! Is it wrong that I want to do something that's not rigid and traditional? Yes, money is important. It's an obligation. But should it rule your life? Should it dictate your every movement? I'm young. I'm literally working all the time. Money is ALREADY dictating my life. Should I still be reminded by it?

God help me.

Monday, December 8, 2008

hear me rant

Tuesday, 9 December 2008 @ 2.43pm

Remember a couple a blogs ago when I wrote that my boss asked me if I dread coming to this job? If she asks me again, I will full-heartedly say, "yes, I fucking hate it." I feel useless. I feel like my brain is not being used to it's full capacity.

Typical day at MA:

9am - leave home.
9.15am - reach office.
9.20am - after putting my bag at my desk, go back down to get breakfast.
9.30 - 10am - eat breakfast and check email / facebook account.
10am - 1pm - service clients / answer queries from designers / argue with copywriter / meetings
1.30 - 2.30pm - eat lunch and read the paper ( 3 out of 5 times alone, while the other 2 times is just trying to make nice and building a relationship with colleagues)
3 - 7 to 10pm (unpredictable what time work finishes) - meetings / answer queries from designers / argue with copywriter / service clients
7 - 10pm - leave the office

I don't use my brain here. Yeah, they say you can put your ideas in. Just because I do doens't mean that the copywriter or AD or designer would use it. I used to be in control. I used to be able to express myself creatively and conceptually. Now what I do is media bookings, service clients, go for meetings, chase for clients to sign quotations, chase for clients to pay us for our service... last week, most of my clients were on leave. So was my boss and superior. I spent Thursday and Friday going online reading true crime stories.

I hear the desginers and ADs discussing the concept and ideas and I'm jealous. I used to be a part of that. I'm now just the go to person to find out what time the meeting is so they know when to prepare the mock up, and the go to person when they need a question answered based on client demands. Sigh.

I can't do this anymore. I'm not made for this. I cannot be JUST as AE. I can't. I feel helpless and useless. I DESPISE coming to this fucking job every single fucking day. And I DESPISE when I have nothing to do and the time go by so fucking slowly...

I've realised that's why I've been so enthusiastic about Kostari. With Kostari, I'm doing the actual physical work. My ideas are heard and discussed and implemented. So much so that I'm the one who has to do the presentation in front of potential sponsors and Datuks and Datins and blah blah blah. There, I'm useful. That's why I don't mind the meetings at night after this fucking job. Or meetings in the evenings after Get Crafty.

I've also realised that's why I don't mind working extra days and/or hours at Get Crafty either. There, I'm a useful CSR. I get to know the parents, build a rapport, sell packages (I've sold six in the last three days...hehehe). I'm also a useful teacher. Not only do I get to teach, I also get to create craft (you should see my ninja windmill - it's so cool).

Here, I' AE. D'you know what I've been doing today? After a very brief WIP with my superior and the other AE, I've been going through allthe different newspaper publications in the last week looking for ads that are worth cutting out and filing. At lunch, I decided to go home and surprise the kids. They came running to me when I opened the door :) Now that I'm back from lunch at home, I'm ranting.

I gotta get another fucking job. One that actually makes full use of what I've been taught and trained to do. I was once half an editor and AE. At Get Crafty I'm half teacher and half CSR. And here...eeeeeeeeee.... I need another job. I can't be an AE anymore. I can't do it.

Thursday, December 4, 2008


Thursday, 4 December 2008 @ 6.40pm

So I got an update from Ina today. She was telling me that my old boss was pissed off with everyone taking leave and the general situation of the office. She was also updating me of how useless the remaining Editors are. Granted, one of them just couldn't care less and that's the way she's been since the first day I tried to train her. She just doesn't give a shit. The other replacement...aiyyooo...

I don't want to butt in. I don't want to continue professing how good I was there (although I was - sorry, can't help it. It's true.) Before I left, I gave SPECIFIC guidelines. It was (and still can be if she bothered to use it) a step-by-step handbook to what to do there. In my words to her, "it's as though I'm holding your hand through the process - I just won't be there physically." I even gave her a forecast of what will be happening (job-wise and client-wise) until roughly around February 2009. Ina said Mr N asked her about a specific bank. Her reply? Dunno. Arghhh!! I told her to send an email. To call. To introduce herself. To follow-up!!! Did she do it? Obviously not.

My blog was created for me to rant and dammit, I'm ranting. Is it really that bloody difficult to take an interest? That bank has been a long-serviced client. As the agency, shouldn't we (sorry, I'm not 'we' anymore), I mean they follow up by calling and saying, "hey...shouldn't your newsletter be printed by now?" Hello?! Why did I waste my time spending HOURS teaching and training and briefing to two of the most useless human beings who dare to classify themselves as Editors? Why? Why? Why?

I don't want to care anymore. Really, I don't. But hello?!? It wasn't as though I left them in the lurch one day or disappeared into thin air. I told them. I warned them. I showed them. Do they listen? Do they care? No. no. no.

I don't understand this nonchalance that I keep hearing about by the both of them. Ina spent the whole of yesterday doing an Editor's job! What did the two 'useful' (said VERY sarcastically, mind you) Editors do? Read the paper! Ahahaha! Funny.

I will make this my last ever post about them. Because I've realised one thing - it won't change. That's who they are. And I don't think I wasted my time the last few weeks there with my briefs. I just see it as them losing out on some very valuable information.


Wednesday, December 3, 2008

The first time

Thursday, 4 December 2008 @ 10.25am

Why do Malaysian men think it's ok for them to call out, shout out and whistle at a woman as she walks by? Is it something built in their DNA to think that, hey, if I call her or say she's cute, then she's going to immediately jump into my arms. Dumbass.

I get no peace walking alone. There will always be the whistles, the cat calling, the looks... even by dirty old men who look like they could be my father!! Yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck. Why? I have seen men who would actually turn to continue looking at you. There was one time I was driving on the highway on the way to Sunway and this guy on a motorbike who actually kept driving ahead but turned his head all the way just to continue looking and smiling that dirty smile. He kept doing it for so long that he didn't realise there was a bend ahead. I started shouting to myself in the car for him to turn before he crashes and dies. The idiot turned in time and managed to turn to avoid burning in hell. But he just laughed. Arrgggh!! Most - not all - men do not have the capacity to use their brains to think that women actually prefer those who don't pounce on you. Especially if their in groups.

People always ask me how I met Eddie. When I answer, "In his restaurant," there's always this misconception that he did exactly that - whistled at me, called me a name and I immediately jumped on him. I even got this comment - "so one day customer, next day girlfriend?" Hello?! I am going to take this time to actually clear all misconceptions that Eddie is like one of those idiots and that I'm stupid and desperate enough to fall for him immediately.

The first time I met him was at Michelangelo's. I was with Steph. We reached at about 8pm. Kabir was attending a wedding dinner at a hotel nearby. We chose to sit at the bar. There were two staff that night who paid extra attention to us - F***** and Eddie. I didn't really notice either one of them at first. We were just being friendly. Steph and I, being the giggly idiots when we meet each other, continued being the giggly idiots throughout the night. We only started noticing that F***** was coming onto me after a few hours. Eddie was friendly but kept his distance for a bit. I admit, after a couple of hours, there was an attraction. I won't lie.

Kabir joined us at about...11-ish I think. When he came, he sat next to me. I was in the middle of the two of them. At this point, you can tell that F***** and Eddie were trying to figure out who Kabir belonged to. It was hard to tell but they knew one of us was with Kabir. Oh, before I continue, because we were sitting at the bar, it was easy for us to joke around with Eddie when he was behind the bar. Yes, Eddie. We tried to ignore F***** as much as we could. He's a sleazy, greasy guy who is the ultimate definition of those idiots who whistle and cat call that I was describing earlier.

As the night grew on, they found out that Steph was with Kabir and I was basically the single third wheeler. By about 1.30am, F***** was trying hard to get me - that was pretty obvious. Eddie was still cool about it, but was still friendly. When F***** wasn't around and Eddie was behind the bar, we spoke a little bit. What work I do. Where I usually hang out, etc. One thing led to another, and I gave him my card.

At 3am that same night, Steph, Kabir and I had shifted to sit at the outside table. F***** was getting desperate. He then leaned on the table and said to me, "Anna, let's go out. One date. I think you're gorgeous and blah blah blah." I smiled and said, "No thanks. I'd rather go out with Eddie." His reply? "Fine. Go out with him one night and me one night. Let the best man win." My reply? "I'm not that kind of girl. No thanks."

And just to be clear and to once again clear the whole misconception that I know most people will have of Eddie probably trying that trick before and that I was stupid enough to fall for it...well, there's nothing much I can say. Continue saying what you'd like. Nothing I say or do will change your mind anyway. We only went out a week after that and that was in the company of about eight of my friends. Trying to woo me was a tough task for Eddie. Falling for him wasn't in the blink of an eye either. But I can tell you this. It's been almost a year. I trust him. I know him. I love him. If you still want to find fault with that, go ahead. It'll go in one ear, and out the other.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

The 'suit'

Wednesday, 3 December 2008 @ 3.40pm

I moved my desk today. I no longer sit in the middle of the way where everybody walks by, sees what's on my screen, what I'm eating, what I'm drinking, who I'm talking to, etc. I also won't be interrupted by people wanting to use the scanner anymore. Nor will I have to sit and wonder who's going to collect the print out that's coming out of the printer next to me.

I now sit at a corner at the very end of the AE world, apart and away from the rest. It's better this way. I don't need to be so cautious of who's behind me and whether I'm in the way if I push my chair back. I now have a place to put my umbrella, store my files, my annual report samples, my brochures, etc.

I'm still adapting to being just an AE (I say just because I've always considered myself to be just half an AE at Trix). There's not much difference really being an AE between here and there. No actually, yes there is. I now have to drive myself around where once upon a time I didn't have to worry about that. I now have to handle the quotations and invoices and all that rubbish (I admit...I still don't know which comes first, DO, PO, I dunno...) And I now have to deal with the monetary side of things. I have to make sure that whatever we do is within budget. And I now have to justify why we're charging this or that amount.

Recently, I had a very important meeting with our very big boss, L, who also turns out to be the Head Art Director. I used to be terrified of him because he's the epitome of what women usually swoon over - tall, dark and handsome. I'm terrified because he's also very stern and very blunt. He's been in advertising for around or over 20 years. I don't remember. He doesn't like it, he'll say so. But he's actually alright. I just get terrified when I have to present work to him or discuss with him a meeting with our major client.

By the way, although I've only been at work here for about three or four or something weeks, I've already been placed to handle their BIGGEST corporate account. Their reasoning? "You know how to handle these people.", "You're detailed.", "You're corporate." Argghhhh!!! I've been trying so hard to avoid being a 'corporate' person, but yet have been moulded into one.

Ok, getting off track here... anyway, the big meeting. We were in L's room with all the other ADs doing a review of the work done so far. I actually called for the meeting because that was the only time we could catch L. He was brutal. But not to me. I, he called, 'the suit'. That was the first time that I've been called the suit and ever since then, I am now known as the suit. Granted, it refers to all the AEs. But it just seems to be directed more to me than the other two.

When I was in Trix, on days where I knew I had to go out, everyone would know because of the way I was dressed. Here, it's become my job to be 'that'. I still need to transform my mindset. Being an AE is no longer a part-time job where I have to meet clients once or twice a week, fortnight, month. It has become a part of my daily routine because I have become... the suit.

Monday, December 1, 2008

No life

Tuesday, 2 December 2008 @ 2.03pm

I've just finished a tuna sandwich after having a two-hour discussion with three of my art directors. Before that, I was writing four job briefs for the discussion. Now, I have to follow up with client and handle another job. People used to tell me that if you enter advertising, you have no life. I used to think, 'rubbish. It all boils down to time management.' Boy, was I wrong.

Yesterday...I don't even remember yesterday. Ah yes... I walked into office, had non-stop meetings and arguments with my copywriter before rushing down to B2 to get my monthly pass just so I can quickly scoff down my lunch to rush out to DJ for my 4pm appointment. Oh yes, to top that off... my meeting ended at 6pm. I reached office around 7pm and spent just enough time following up with client on our meeting before rushing off to see Eddie (who naturally, was angry because I was late again).

I then went home, did my laundry and attempted to start Kostari. I feel so bad for Mrs N. I cancelled Monday's meeting and I'm trying to schedule in tomorrow. Shit. I hope I can finish off the manual and presentation tonight.

Eddie keeps telling me I need an assistant. And that I work too hard. And that I shouldn't do everything on my own. Call me an anal retentive control freak if you want. But if I don't do what needs to be done right, I can't sleep. I even dreamt about my meeting at Kostari last night.

Poor Eddie. I don't see him as much now. Or spend enough time with him now. I don't spend enough time at home either. And I don't see friends either (can you count working at Get Crafty on weekends as spending time with friends :P?)

Whoever started the phrase, "if you work in advertising, you have no life", is spot on.