Tuesday, 9 December 2008 @ 2.43pm
Remember a couple a blogs ago when I wrote that my boss asked me if I dread coming to this job? If she asks me again, I will full-heartedly say, "yes, I fucking hate it." I feel useless. I feel like my brain is not being used to it's full capacity.
Typical day at MA:
9am - leave home.
9.15am - reach office.
9.20am - after putting my bag at my desk, go back down to get breakfast.
9.30 - 10am - eat breakfast and check email / facebook account.
10am - 1pm - service clients / answer queries from designers / argue with copywriter / meetings
1.30 - 2.30pm - eat lunch and read the paper ( 3 out of 5 times alone, while the other 2 times is just trying to make nice and building a relationship with colleagues)
3 - 7 to 10pm (unpredictable what time work finishes) - meetings / answer queries from designers / argue with copywriter / service clients
7 - 10pm - leave the office
I don't use my brain here. Yeah, they say you can put your ideas in. Just because I do doens't mean that the copywriter or AD or designer would use it. I used to be in control. I used to be able to express myself creatively and conceptually. Now what I do is media bookings, service clients, go for meetings, chase for clients to sign quotations, chase for clients to pay us for our service... last week, most of my clients were on leave. So was my boss and superior. I spent Thursday and Friday going online reading true crime stories.
I hear the desginers and ADs discussing the concept and ideas and I'm jealous. I used to be a part of that. I'm now just the go to person to find out what time the meeting is so they know when to prepare the mock up, and the go to person when they need a question answered based on client demands. Sigh.
I can't do this anymore. I'm not made for this. I cannot be JUST as AE. I can't. I feel helpless and useless. I DESPISE coming to this fucking job every single fucking day. And I DESPISE when I have nothing to do and the time go by so fucking slowly...
I've realised that's why I've been so enthusiastic about Kostari. With Kostari, I'm doing the actual physical work. My ideas are heard and discussed and implemented. So much so that I'm the one who has to do the presentation in front of potential sponsors and Datuks and Datins and blah blah blah. There, I'm useful. That's why I don't mind the meetings at night after this fucking job. Or meetings in the evenings after Get Crafty.
I've also realised that's why I don't mind working extra days and/or hours at Get Crafty either. There, I'm a useful CSR. I get to know the parents, build a rapport, sell packages (I've sold six in the last three days...hehehe). I'm also a useful teacher. Not only do I get to teach, I also get to create craft (you should see my ninja windmill - it's so cool).
Here, I'm...an AE. D'you know what I've been doing today? After a very brief WIP with my superior and the other AE, I've been going through allthe different newspaper publications in the last week looking for ads that are worth cutting out and filing. At lunch, I decided to go home and surprise the kids. They came running to me when I opened the door :) Now that I'm back from lunch at home, I'm ranting.
I gotta get another fucking job. One that actually makes full use of what I've been taught and trained to do. I was once half an editor and AE. At Get Crafty I'm half teacher and half CSR. And here...eeeeeeeeee.... I need another job. I can't be an AE anymore. I can't do it.