Wednesday, September 24, 2008

A Bad Day

Thursday, 25 September 2008
1.06 pm

I was walking from the ATM (withdrawing yet more money) and heading to the post office to pay my bills when I received the call. "The client had some complaints about the articles you edited and re-wrote some weeks back. We've looked into it and we have to agree with some of it. Therefore, we can't offer you the job as copywriter...Anna, are you still there?" I was not. My heart was pounding. The noise around me faded into the background. The sun seemed to have lost its shine. WHAT WAS GOING ON? I couldn't understand anything. She continued saying they want to offer me Account Executive instead. I was numb. WHAT? AE? WHAT? There was a thumping in my head. What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? Before I realised, I was making arrangements to have a meeting with her in October to discuss the job specs.


I'm in the post office, seven numbers away and holding my bills. Ina is trying to comfort me. She doesn't understand either. She asks me about the contract. She's gettin upset too. She says sue them. I look at my bills. I look at her. I look at the numbers on the wall. WHAT WAS GOING ON? I still don't understand. I don't know what's going on. What's happening? Does that mean that it was all really too good to be true? Does that mean that I'm not a writer? Does it mean that all these years I've just been lucky that no one spotted how bad I am as a writer? What? What? What? I don't understand.


I'm messaging Eddie. I need to tell him. I want him to comfort me. I want a hug. I feel like crying. I don't know what to do.


I'm back in the office and still trying to make sense of the situation. I look at the papers strewn across my table, waiting for me to write, re-write and edit. But can I? Can I continue? I suck. I'm not a writer. I was just fired as a writer. What?


I open the classifieds.


While writing an article for a bank's newsletter, replying an SMS to a client and writing an email to my future employer, it hit me. Be your own manager. It's 10.30am. I've cleared three jobs while working on the fourth one, and have already prepared myself for another two that's coming in later today. At the same time, I've managed to check and reply my emails to my future employer while keeping in mind that I have to remind her about my payment for a job completed. At the same time, I was replying a client's SMS, answering my designer's queries and updating my facebook status. I came into the office at 8.30am, organised my money that needs to be paid and am planning to get them paid while everyone else runs off to lunch.

Then it hit me. Be your own manager. It just came to me, like an epiphany. What's making me do all this? Why am I such an anal freak of an organiser? Why do I need to make sure that everything gets done and is finished and paid for? Why should I even care and bother? I know if I don't, I won't be settled. I won't be able to concentrate and won't know what to do. I like a peace of mind and clearing it seems to be the only way to manage it. But it's never ending isn't it? This is just today. It all repeats itself tomorrow. I'm glad I'm made this way. I'm glad I'm obsessive and compulsive and may have a slight disorder ;) It gets things done. You should try it.