Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Strong

Wednesday, 19 May 2010 @ 7.15pm

How am I supposed to be strong? Am I meant to be strong for everyone? Who's going to be strong for me? How am I supposed to share if I'm expected to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. I was strong when I knew you were to back me up. I felt invincible because I knew all I had to do is turn around and you'd be there. Now I don't know who's there anymore...

Stop crying, they say. You're a strong girl. You'll get through this. You can do it. You're built to be strong. Strong, strong, strong, strong, strong. Fuck you. How the fuck am I supposed to always be strong? Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. And fuck you too.

Do you know what it's like to always be strong? To always have to have a facade on? To be everyone's mama, everyone's sister, everyone's everything? And the one time I need you, you tell me to just be strong because I'm built that way?

Do you know that I have to build a wall around my heart to keep this facade up? Do you know that I have to keep up this fake smile and fake warm exterior when all I want to do is just curl up and cry? What's the point of talking to anyone if all they ask, no, tell me, to do is be strong?

What if, just this one time, I want to be weak? I want to be helpless? I want you to be strong for me?

I guess that's not happening.

So that's that. Strong it shall be.

2 comments:

aimay C. T said...

I hear you sweetie, Im just like you, I cry myself to sleep sometimes, feeling so alone, no one to help me with anything... everyone depends on u for one thing or another, and everyone leans on u. neglected at age 6, i learnt to do everything... but u know what.. we ARE strong... and without us.. some people would be nothing.

do the best u can... at least u know u tried.

Purple Cow said...

To be strong is to not be fake...so strip the facade, be yourself and stop thinking of what the rest of the world makes of this. Go girl! Be yourself! anything else is weak.