Wednesday, 25 February 2009 @ 6.56pm
Anna R**** needs to be strong again. That's the status on my Facebook and that's been my motto since last Saturday.
Lily has been acting up for a few months now. Her brakes have been giving me problems and it takes me a while to start the engine. There was actually a time when I was stranded at the ends of Shah Alam that she decided not to start at all. Oh, and she was over 3,000km over her service. I brought her in on Saturday morning before rushing off to work.
I only got a call at 3pm. It went something like this:
Service Dude (I forgot his name): "Hi Ms Anna, I have some bad news for you."
Anna (in the midst of children's shrieks of laughter and protest against having to dry their artwork and their teachers either laughing at or with them): "Yes?"
SD: "We did a check up on your car and found that we need to change your brake pads. The air filter needs to be replaced and your spark plug is out."
My heart starts beating faster. I go outside and sit on the bench.
A: "Is it necessary to change everything?" Duh! Brake pads? Spark plug?
He goes on explaining to me the importance of having brakes and spark plug. I felt so blonde at that moment.
SD: "So...the total will be around RM800 or RM900. Plus service."
My heart drops and I cannot breathe.
A: "What? How am I going to pay for that? Anymore good news you have for me?"
The dude laughs nervously. But I brush it off as a joke and hung up. I continued sitting on the bench and felt like I was having a panic attack. I sms Papa. I couldn't pay for it. No way I could afford that. Then I sms Eddie. He called immediately.
E: "Yang, kenapa you selalu suka membazir duit? Kat tempat I tak sampai RM900."
I want to argue with him. Tell him that he should have sent the car like he said he was going to instead of always saying, "nantilah." But I chose to hang up. I felt the panic. I was pacing from the washroom to the front. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't breathe. So I went into the store room, huddled in the corner and cried.
Sunday evening, I was sneezing a lot and generally started feeling like crap. I predicted that I'd have a fever on Tuesday. Monday morning, I woke up with a fever.
In the afternoon, I waited an hour and a half in the clinic waiting room. I had to bear with the sunlight hurting my eyes and my head. The noise from the sick children and their parents. And the endless idiots who kept pushing the door when it clearly says pull. I got fed up and left.
Later in the evening, Eddie calls and says he's finishing work at 7.30pm. I say great! You can accompany me to the doctor. He says...eerr... yeah... and a whole bunch of excuses come out. I say forget it and hung up.
At 8pm, I drove myself to the doctor, feeling worse than ever. I sat like a zombie and waited. When I saw the doctor, he gave me two days off. I went home, ate, took my medicine and slept.
I remember picking Eddie up to take him to the doctor. Packing him food and sending him straight back. All this was taken in stride with his grumpy attitude. But hey...who wouldn't do that for the person they cared about?
Yesterday, I decided that I've allowed myself to become weak. I used to be strong. Inside and out. Now I'm becoming too dependent. Fuck that. It's time to go back to what I used to be. Heart made of stone.