Sunday, 2 November 2008 @ 11.59pm
My heart is crying, and I can't tell any of you why. I sit alone, tears are spilling on my lap. It's uncontrollable and it's been pent up for too damn long. I can barely see.
I'm not allowed to say why because I don't know who's reading this now. I'm not allowed to talk to any of you because I've been hiding for too damn long already. It's too late to start now.
I can't talk to my family about my friends. I can't talk to my friends about my family. I can't talk to you about either. I have no one to turn to and I really don't know what else to do. Can I continue this charade? This facade that shows that I'm well and capable and fine?
It's all a lie. It's all lies. I'm falling apart and I can't tell or show any of you. I wanna go away. But I don't know where. I wanna just go on with my life. But I can't seem to do that. Something's always wrong. Something's always going on. I can't sit and concentrate. Not anymore.
I cry in the shower now. I cry while I drive. I cry myself to sleep. But none of you know. I confess I'm not perfect and I'm trying my best to keep it all together. I will probably regret writing this because I don't want any of you to know. But I have nowhere else to turn. What should I do now?
I don't need fake smiles. I don't need half-assed sympathy one liners. If you can't help me, don't give me false hope. If you couldn't care less, just say so. I made a mistake breaking that wall around my heart. Now I think I'm going to have to build it up again.